Teach

I haven't been posting here nearly as much as I'd intended. Not because I don't have experiences and stories to share, I do, but because my relationship with Muay Thai is intensely personal and I'm a (surprisingly) private person. I'm confronting uncomfortable or unpleasant parts of myself every day and it's difficult to fight that battle and then turn around and tell the world about it.

Scary, too.

Last night after finished class, I hung around for awhile to do some sets of tricep exercises and to watch N train with Chief. Someday, I strive to fight as well as that woman does. From my spot next to the ring, I could see the boxing class going on in the background.

In particular, I could see two girls who were obviously new to the class; they looked to be in their mid-twenties, cute girls with maybe thirty or forty extra pounds apiece. They were late to class so Chief drew my attention to them when he reminded them (loudly) that he'd told them to be on time. I watched them jackass around through the warm-ups, half heartedly jumping rope and pretending to jazzercise rather than shadowboxing properly, and I watched them giggle and bat ineffectually at their heavy bags during the first drill. At first I was annoyed, but then I looked at them more closely and realized something:

Those girls were letting the fear win. When I looked past the giggling, I realized that they were so terrified and self-conscious that they could barely breathe. I recognized in them the fear that I had so narrowly managed to conquer on my first day.

So I walked onto the floor, stood between them, introduced myself, and asked them if I could give them some advice. They both just sort of looked at me and nodded, wide-eyed.

I've been here about six months now. I don't know about you, but this is the hardest and scariest thing that I have ever done. They both nodded vehemently. But I'll let you in on a little secret: You don't have anything to be afraid of anything here. Here, the only thing that anyone will ever judge you for is not working as hard as you can. Nobody gives a shit how you look, or how much you sweat, or whether or not you want to pass out twenty seconds into the first round. If you're working as hard as you can, that's enough.

Every single person in this gym had a first day, and every single person in this gym has days when they feel like the clumsiest and weakest person on the planet. When I walked in here on my first day I was forty pounds heavier and Chief had to explain the proper form for a hook to me three times. Today I accidentally punched myself in the face and completely ate it when my partner parried a kick and knocked me off balance. But nobody cared, because I'm working hard.

So seriously girls, just lay into those bags. Imagine it's every guy who's ever broken your heart or every boss you've ever hated, just get low and beat the crap out of it. Put your ass into it! If we've got 'em, we might as well use 'em, right? Relax, have fun. Go for it! Don't let the fear win.

The girls looked much relieved when I'd finished talking and sure enough, they hit the bags with a little more gusto after that.

When I got back over to the ring, Chief thanked me too.

As I was driving home, I decided that I should take my own advice and not let fear silence my voice on this blog. Stay tuned for more posting.