Sparring

I received a swift kick to the head today.

No, that's not a metaphor.

Chief kicked me in the head during our third round of sparring.

I was so surprised that I just stood there processing until he punched me in the ribs and snapped me out of it. Then I grinned as much as I could around my mouthguard and proceeded to surprise him with a right low kick to the thigh.

You see, being on the receiving end of a head kick (even one at less than half speed) is a mark of some accomplishment.

I started full speed, full contact sparring a few months ago and it's been an eye opening experience. There's really nothing that can prepare you for the first time someone clocks you one; it's a completely unique experience. Even with the headgear and the mouthguard, when the boxing coach caught me with a left hook I was completely dazed. I spent most of my first round standing there like a deer in headlights, just trying to absorb or deflect his shots rather than trying to land any of my own.

It continued like that for quite some time: I'd get in the ring, make a few feeble attempts to jab or kick my opponent, and then spend the rest of my time doing my best impression of a punching bag. I just... froze.

As anyone who knows me can attest, I've never been one to back down from a worthy fight or shy away from a challenge. Being unable to perform when faced with an opponent was frustrating and disheartening to say the least.  Chief didn't know how to shake me loose from myself and I didn't know how to break the bonds holding me back. So I just continued to accept my opponent's strikes.

To accept defeat.

Eventually I began to shy away from sparring, choosing instead to do extra rounds on the heavy bag or to exhaust myself on the elliptical... anything to look "too busy" to get back in the ring. I'm not proud to say it, but probably would have continued for quite some time had Chief not forced a major shake-up in my training routine.

Which is why last Saturday I found myself standing in the ring facing Chief, who was not wearing any protective gear whatsoever on his legs.

Please understand that this man could probably take out a brick wall with his shins and barely flinch; he wears double shin guards AND knee pads when he spars his students to avoid doing too much damage.

"We're only going to done one round like this" he said "and I'm not going to go full speed, but I want you to know what it feels like to get hit, to really get hit, which it what will happen if you don't stay on the offensive when you're in here."

A week later, the bruises are still fading. My left knee, my right hip, and my right elbow took the brunt of the blows as he tried to force me into action.

But I still stood there like a fucking punching bag.

For three rounds.

I was so frustrated and angry at myself by the time the final bell rang that I launched my gloves to one end of the gym and my mouthguard to the other, fighting back tears. He calmly retrieved everything and leaned on the ropes next to me "You're letting the fear win. You're turning all of your frustration inward and it's crippling you. Let it go. Just do it. Next week, just kick my ass."

I mulled over what he'd said all week and decided that today, no matter what, I was going to come out of my corner fighting. Even if I didn't land one goddamn thing, I was going to try.

And that is exactly what I did.

For eight rounds, I came out swinging. It wasn't pretty, I still absorbed way more kicks and punches than I landed, but the only thing that matters is that I was in the fight. I didn't stand there like an statue, I didn't strike lamely while I waited for the bell, I didn't find myself keeping tears of frustration at bay. I was just there, in the moment, and I have never felt so alive.

As I was lying on the floor panting after our last round, he looked down at my with a grin "It's more fun to be on the offensive, yes?"

Yes.

Yes it most certainly is.

Comments

[VT]

Congratulations on your first boot to the head!

I used to have this on my fridge:

Under the sword held high
There is hell making you tremble:
But go ahead,
and you have the land of bliss.
- Miyamoto Musashi

Maybe you should put it on your gear bag. ;) And anytime you want to spar, let me know, because I'm game.

[Tag]

This is a freakin' awesome post. It takes genuine guts to admit to fears. It takes genuine strength to overcome them. Excellent work mi lady!

You can always spar me any day, you'd probably kick my ass every day. :-)

@VT - Miyamoto Musashi is one of my longtime heroes (ever since I read the story of him taking out samurai using a wooden sword I thought this man must have had something special). Despite what the business world has done to butcher his texts to fit thier agendas his spirit lives today among the few who understand.

[James]

Meditate upon this wisdom.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_Y6231uAmo